Whirlwind:
I’ve heard it said that when it rains, it pours. My life at the moment is flooding. Rather than let it overwhelm me and pull me under, I build a raft so that I can enjoy every moment. My writing: the journal, the blog, the novel – these all help me focus the lens and appreciate all of the stimulation going on right now. It occurs to me that I am happier than I have been in a very long time.
My jiu jitsu community definitely keeps me on my toes. My conversations with Eric and Nick B. force me to constantly evaluate my progress in the realm of personal development and relationships. To have consistent access to feedback on my emotions is helping me to stay more even-keeled, rather than careening from highs to lows and slamming into trauma on either end of the spectrum.
Eric’s Halloween bash is a blast. I go as Clay Guida (my favorite UFC fighter). A big crew shows up and for the first time since I was a teenager I spend the holiday completely sober. In fact, this is my one year sobriety anniversary. It is hard for me to believe that 365 days ago I was drooling in a chair in the drunk tank in downtown Portland, wondering how the hell I had gotten there. My memory is still somewhat hazy about it all, but it is with the deepest sense of respect that I recognize the progress that I have made.
Today I am able to feel a modicum of control over my life. If external forces cause upheaval, I have a support network to help me deal with it. I will never say that I’ve conquered my addictions. They are always lingering in the background. I will say that my addictions and I have come to terms with each other. I agree not to indulge in them and they agree not to take over my life. I keep them at bay with a healthy routine and a good diet.
Every once in a while I wonder when I am going to get my blue belt. I feel like I’ve covered the bases as far as learning the positions and pathways. I’m getting a lot of mat time and competition experience. I understand that there are other components to being promoted, even if I am not always able to identify exactly what they are yet. The green belt crew (there are 8 or 9 of us altogether at the moment) seems primed to make the leap. I resolve to worry less about it and focus on honing my game and filling in the existing gaps. I still have plenty more to learn.
The next Revolution tournament is coming up in early November. I can’t wait for another opportunity to compete in the adult division and show what I can do. Pan Ams are further down the road, but it is never too early to start preparing. I take a moment to savor the opportunities and enjoy the place that I’ve come to. Lots of reasons to smile.
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