My Life as a White Belt - Promotion

Promotion:

                As I walk up to the gym for the third time today, I start to realize that this is becoming a lifestyle.  Not a hobby or casual athletic workout, but a significant shift in my habits and activity level.  Every day I wake up I am starting to feel a little healthier, a little more energetic.  Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like I have a long way to go on my journey, but it is nice to be able to recognize the growth.  I’ve always thrived on tangible achievement. 

                It seems like nothing much is different tonight: we warm up and do our drills and work on our technique.  Coach Tom is cracking jokes and making references to things that only those of us in the 35+ crowd have any hope of understanding.  We build up a sweat, help each other learn, and try to piece together our jiu jitsu puzzle.  Another day at the office, if you’re lucky enough to have your office be an adult playground where you get to roll around with your friends for an hour and a half at a time.

                At the end of class, Coach goes to a back room and comes back with some pieces of tape hanging from a pirouette bar, some black and some white.  He explains that promotions at Five Rings are meant to mark growth and learning and progress along your path.  I look around the room and try to guess who could be getting promoted.  Maybe Robert is getting a stripe on his blue belt – he’s so technical and basically lives at the gym.  Or it could be Nick (one of the five, this one is the tall blue belt).  His game is so unique and his work ethic is admirable.  I realize I have no idea what it really takes to get a stripe or a new belt. 

                Coach continues by stating that belting does not represent branding at Five Rings.  There is no test to take or extra fee that you have to pay to advance, like I’ve heard that some gyms do.  That’s nice to hear, but I have to admit that even at this point I can’t imagine switching gyms or training regularly somewhere else.  It already feels like home.  They don’t have to compel my loyalty.  It is freely given.

                Finally, Coach calls out some names… not Robert or Nick this time, but several of my white belt training partners are called up for 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th stripes.  Lo and behold, my name is also called.  My first stripe!  I don’t know how to react so I numbly walk up and bow and shake hands with Coach Tom and Coach Eric.  They say it is well deserved.  I wonder how that can be.  Sure, I spend a lot of time up here but I feel like I have so much more to learn.  Well, they are the coaches and who am I to doubt their judgment?  I accept the stripe proudly, ready to take on the challenges that will lead me to the next one.

My Life as a White Belt - Illumination

Illumination:

                I spend a lot more time observing others than I used to.  Overall, I’ve been a pretty self-centered guy for the majority of my life.  Now I feel like I am able to watch what others are doing and really be aware of what’s going on.  Take this drill we’re doing as an example: the Lovato flow is what Coach Eric calls it.  I am watching it being demonstrated and I am starting to understand how the transitions and positioning allow the armbar at the end of the flow to become a reality for the person performing it.  Then, I am able to apply what I’ve seen and put it into practice in my own drills. 

                I’m starting to understand that there is a connection here, if I can only make it.  There are some people in this community that I can really learn from, and not just jiu jitsu moves.  There are successful businesspeople, folks in healthy relationships, and individuals with productive goals that they have realistic ways of reaching.  Maybe if I hang around long enough I can figure out how to do these things for myself.  I definitely need a new road map for life.   The last one had too many pit-stops in hell. 

                The famous names of jiu jitsu get tossed around the gym a lot – Saulo and Xande Ribeiro, Rafael Lovato, the Gracies…  I don’t have a ton of familiarity with these guys, but I get the impression that they’ve earned their reputations.  Another name that is a little newer on the scene is Jeff Glover.  Known for his dynamic and innovative style, he’s had some recent success at big tournaments.  Five Rings gets him to come and do a seminar for us.  As I meet him and listen to his insights on this sport that I’m growing to love, I feel like I’m in the presence of someone who gets it.  His game seems more applicable to smaller athletes, but one thing I take away is how he moves his hips.  Everything evolves from his hip positioning.  Not to mention that he could be an acrobat – I’ve never seen anyone use a stability ball like he does.

                Hip movement, observation, application – things are starting to fall into place.  I just have to keep at this.  Regular attendance, continued sobriety, and focus should be all I need to stay on track.  My DUI hearing ended up turning out about as well as I could have hoped.  Minimum fine, lots of community service, victim’s panel, and a year- long license suspension.  Bike is moving up the priority list.  Oh, and another source of income.  Not subbing is killing my budget.  I am still able to make it to a couple of gigs a month, but that just isn’t cutting it.

                Running and fitness are making some significant changes on my body, too.  I’ve already lost about eight pounds since I started at Five Rings.  I’m going to do something I swore I would never do as well.  I’m going to start looking at my diet and maybe make some changes.  Gasp! 

My Life as a White Belt - Absolution

(Author’s note:  I stayed up late to write this entry so that a certain someone would have something to read with her morning coffee.)

Absolution:

                Recovery is as slow as I expected.  I’ve had to tell my training partners to watch out for my ribs and not to put too much pressure on me when we’re rolling.  I forget once and Coach Nick demonstrates the knee-to-belly position on me.  The scream that escapes from me is similar to that of a small child when they stub their toe on a rock.  That, I am informed, is an example of a ‘verbal’ tap out.  The combination of Coach’s chagrin and my shameful scream is enough for me to never forget to communicate thoroughly about injuries again. 

One of the things that I notice is that despite the inherently violent nature of jiu jitsu (the goals of the sport include choking someone unconscious or bending their joints until they give up), very few of the practitioners enjoy inflicting pain.  In Coach Nick’s case, he’s actually pretty worked up that he hurt me.  I reassure him that it was my responsibility, but I can tell that he is upset.  I promise him that I will do better at informing my partners of my infirmity and this seems to mollify him to a certain degree.

I spent far too much of my life trying to hide things about myself.  Things that I thought would diminish me in the eyes of others – like, for instance, when I would be injured or sick.  I was so concerned that others would think me unreliable or incapable that I would lie to them and even to myself in order to save face.  I am starting to see now that I did myself and my friends, colleagues, and family a disservice with this dishonesty.  This situation with my coach is not an example of deliberate dissembling, but it still highlights the effects of poor communication with those who rely on you or that you rely on or care about.  I vow to own this and not make the same mistake twice.

An extremely beneficial side effect of my injury is that it slows me down.  I am forced to use the techniques we are learning because my strength has been sapped and my speed has been hamstrung.  A whole new side of training is revealing itself as I start to understand that I’m doing more than just working out and building up a sweat when I come to class.  I am learning a foundation that is fundamental to progress in jiu jitsu.  The intricacies of what I thought was a very simplistic move (the double leg smash pass) start to become understandable when I have to slow it down and really think about them.  Coach Tom’s references to applied power through the use of technique start to make sense.

I do believe my game is changing.  So is how I look at myself.  No more lies.  It takes more than words to make something true.  Walk the walk, Dan.

Oh, and I also need to buy a bike.  Riding the bus everywhere is getting old fast.  Court date for my DUI is coming up soon. 

My Life as a White Belt - Injury

Injury:

                Tuesday night after BJJ 2 + 3 class the gym runs this class called tournament rounds.  It’s technically a BJJ 4 class, but I have noticed that several white belts attend on a regular basis.  So I decide to give it a shot.  Coach Tom separates us on the mat from big to bigger to biggest.  I hang out in the bigger section and hope to find some other white belts to roll with.  The blues and higher intimidate the hell out of me still.  Okay, if I am being honest, it is my ego that tends to avoid them.  My limited experience has shown me that I am able to make very little headway against them.  We start off with some positional sparring and I have some success and some failure, but more than anything I realize how much I can learn from these things.  Gaps in my game flash like neon signs in front of me. 

                I spot this hardcore looking guy that I haven’t seen at the gym before.  Shaved head, tattoos – turns out to be one of the many Nicks at the gym (definitely the most common first name!).  We roll and it becomes evident that we’re fairly evenly matched.  Both of us ramp things up until we’re going after each other pretty intensely.  I get an Americana on him, but can’t finish it because he’s Gumby’s cousin.  He reverses me and gets a body triangle from the back.  Straining, breathing, struggling…  POP.  He submits me with a rear naked choke and we disentangle ourselves.  Something isn’t quite right, but it’s time to move on to the next partner.  My conditioning still isn’t up to snuff and I was already wheezing like a wildebeest after a stampede before the last roll.  Now every inhalation brings a sharp pain in my ribcage.  I continue to roll until I just can’t take the pain anymore.  I head home without mentioning it to anyone.

                It’s hard to sleep.  Every time I roll over or try to breathe deeply I get that sharp pain.  I toss back a couple of ibuprofen and try to make the best of it.  I have to ask myself what it is exactly that I’m trying to accomplish.  What if I broke a rib or something serious?  I don’t have health insurance at the moment and a major injury would pretty much redefine my life in a very negative way.  Am I pushing too hard?  Trying to do too much too soon?  I need to talk to the coaches and see what they advise.

                (…one fitful night of sleep later…)

                Coach Eric and Coach Tom tell me that what has most likely happened is that I popped a rib through some cartilage, and while it can certainly be annoying if I am careful I can continue to slow roll.  The key is getting enough rest and communicating well with my partners.  I can manage that.  I do not want to stop training.  I’m learning so much and having so much fun.  This is an eye-opener though.  I’m not twenty-five anymore and this isn’t going to heal in a couple of days.  I need to understand my body’s limits and pace myself accordingly.  One of the things that Coach Tom tells me really sticks in my brain:  “You’ve started a journey, Dan, and it isn’t a race.  A black belt is a white belt that didn’t quit.” 

                Well, I’m not quitting.  I am going to be smarter about this, though.

My Life as a White Belt - Immersion

Immersion:

                Whew… this is my fifth class this week, if you count fitness.  I think I can officially say that I am hooked.  This sport, facility, and community are exactly what I needed.  I can’t remember the last time I felt quite so motivated to move forward and make progress towards a goal.  Well, that’s not true.  I can remember the last few times pretty clearly, but the circumstances then were on the negative end of the spectrum.  It was a little under two years ago that I was living in my car, struggling to find meaning in a life that didn’t make sense to me anymore.  Poor decision after poor judgment call led to a spiral of intense self-destruction.  It seems so long ago some days and like only yesterday on others.

 Today, right now, this very moment it couldn’t feel farther away if it were eons ago – I’m applying a choke that I just learned from back with hooks.  Bow and arrow choke, I believe it’s called.  I’m not very good at it yet, but it is extremely empowering to know that I hold someone’s consciousness in my hands.  This whole jiu jitsu thing is full of moments just like this one.  Empowering, humbling, exciting!  I think I’ve even developed an affinity for getting choked out (well, almost anyhow).  Hmm, does that mean I’m odd?  That moment of fuzziness right before you go out is so peaceful.  It’s like there’s this panic and then you stop caring.  I’m sure there’s a medical phenomenon associated with it, but I don’t care to do that much research.  Hehe.  Anyhow, this choke is cool and all but as I said I am struggling with how to position my body to finish it effectively.  Coach has expressed several times that drilling on our own is the best way to commit something to muscle memory.  I find that when I come in to open mat time it is hard to get away from sparring – I think because it is so much fun to rough house a little and try out the things you’ve learned from the previous week.  I know it is important to drill, though. 

This guy I met last week has been helping me stay focused on my goals and how to accomplish them.  His name is Bruce, and he’s been participating in the sport for a while now.  He is still a white belt, but with a few stripes to his credit.  I dig his approach; he keeps a journal where he writes down moves and techniques that we’ve learned and he likes to methodically go over and drill the moves so that they get committed to muscle memory.  He’s got a couple nagging injuries, which I can relate to at this point, so we take it easy on the full out sparring and concentrate on honing the technique.  We also take some time to chat and get to know each other a bit.  He confirms what I’ve already discovered, which is that even though the people here come from such varied backgrounds there always seems to be some connecting experience that makes it easy to communicate on some level. 

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some utopian commune where everyone is a super amazing human being; I’ve met a handful that rub me the wrong way for one reason or another.  But the more I come here, the more I feel myself changing.  I’m more open and more forgiving, of myself and others.  The more I train, the better I feel about myself.  I think that is why I find myself altering my schedule to make time to be up here.  Fifth class this week, and I may just try to get a couple more in.  That tournament in March is starting to sound mighty interesting!

My Life as a White Belt - Continuation

Continuation:

                Coach Nick has decided that I am ready to move up to the BJJ 2 + 3 class.  Sounds good to me!  From what I have seen, they do some cool stuff and get to spar with each other.  The first difference is warm-ups.  Lizard crawls?  Ugh, my hips are all tight and ‘crunchy’.  Not used to this kind of stretching.  And don’t get me started on these pendulum drills.  I feel like a fish flopping around on the mat.  On top of that, I am already winded!  I watch the other people in class and the blue belts flow around their partner’s legs like it is second nature.  The other new folks are struggling to varying degrees just like I am, so that gives me a little perspective.  I am reminded of wrestling practice; we used to have all sorts of funky (and fun!) warm-ups.  I’m sure that before long I will get better at these.

  I got this cool gi in my introductory package, but I must need to break it in or something.  It’s a little stiff and it is scraping the heck out of my skin.  Maybe I will get one of those rash guards they sell in the shop.  I’m also sweating like crazy.  I’ve always perspired a lot, but this is ridiculous.  I feel like a water sprinkler.  Who’s going to want to roll with me?   One gi isn’t going to cut it.  It’s only been a couple of classes and the sleeves on this one are already getting ugly.  That’s something to worry about later though.  Coach Tom is ready to start class.

So I’ve met Tom Oberhue a couple of times since starting up here.  Friendly, welcoming, professional – these adjectives come easily to mind when I think of him.  Turns out I can add corny to that list!  Man, these jokes are such groaners.  And that laugh!  Love it!  Haha.  Aside from that, we get down to business.  He explains that we’ll be working on something called cross sides bottom this week and demonstrates how to get to your edge, zero position (protecting your top arm from getting underhooked and using your bottom hand to protect from a cross face), and two ways to improve your position (shooting your leg through to quarters position or recovering guard).  We watch the demonstration, then he answers some technical questions, and then we try it out. I have to stop myself from asking questions.  It’s always been a habit of mine to overanalyze material before I try it.  I definitely don’t want to fall into that pattern here.   I don’t have a partner, but it sorts itself out fairly quickly as people pair off. 

 I end up with a younger guy with a blue belt who introduces himself as Robert.  He was also the guy that Coach Tom used as a partner for demonstration so I assume he knows what he’s doing.  Turns out he does!  He walks me through the moves because even though I was paying attention it is more complex than I thought.  The movements are really foreign to me.  I have to get used to being on my back and on my side with my back angled toward the mat.  Not to mention, I haven’t done any kind of contact sport in well over a decade.  I can tell already that I am using muscles that I haven’t used in a long, long time. 

Coach periodically provides feedback as we’re drilling.  I notice that he makes an effort to help everyone, not just the higher belts.  In fact, everyone is communicating a lot.  I hear partners sharing constructive information on each other’s moves on a regular basis.  This bodes well for the future, I think.  We come back together to fine tune some parts of the cross sides position.  Then we go back and work it a little bit more.  My hip flexors are really bugging me now, particularly when I shoot my leg back to try to get to quarters position.  I ask Robert about it and he suggests that I talk to Coach Eric in my next class.  It turns out that Eric is a coach and a licensed massage therapist.  I make a mental note to catch up with him soon.

Next, we get a chance to practice what we’ve learned in something called positional sparring.  Coach Tom explains that the drill is for ‘Simon’ and that the other partner (Garfunkel) should only provide a percentage of resistance.  Ha!  Simon and Garfunkel!  Coach is definitely from my generation.  Anyhow, we get to it.  I try my best, and I have some success surviving from the bottom position.  I don’t do so well on top.  Robert keeps escaping, so I go harder and try to press him into the mat using what I remember from wrestling.  Coach notices and reminds me that this isn’t a full spar and that to be a good partner I need to give different levels of resistance at different times.  *boggle*.  You mean I’m not supposed to try to win when we do this?  I don’t get it.  I can tell that I’m a little stronger than Robert and I outweigh him by 25 pounds at least.  Not sure my ego will let me just let him beat me.  Of course, I’m breathing like a forge bellows and he’s acting like it’s a walk in the park but still I should get the best of it, right?  I’m still confused by this as we come back together to end class.

Coach Tom gives some announcements about upcoming events.  This guy named Jeff Glover is coming to do a seminar.  That sounds cool.  There is a tournament about 2 months away.  I am so not ready for that though.  We bring our hands together and on two we yell ‘Five Rings!’ then bump knuckles in a circle.  I get turned around to the general amusement of the class, but finally get straightened out.  Everyone is very welcoming and introduces themselves.  Even with the confusion, this was a fun class.  I am beat, though.  Time to hit the sack and hope I am not too sore in the morning.

My Life as a White Belt - Initiation

Initiation:

                Today I try the fitness class for the first time.  It’s being instructed by Jessica, who reminds me of someone I once knew and as with just about everyone else here looks like she could kick my ass.  I remember seeing her in the upper level jiu jitsu class, too.  A blue belt, if memory serves.  There are quite a few other folks in this fitness group and after some brief introductions we get started.

                “Glute” bridges, overhead pulls, cats and dogs, opposite hand/leg raises, active clocks, one-legged side leans, kneeling groins; it’s like I’m learning a new language.  We’re stretching a lot and there is a lot of focus on correct technique.  It seems that I currently suck at stretching, but at least the feedback is constructive and not critical.  The biggest issue I am facing is that I am already getting tired and only twenty minutes have gone by!  What did I get myself into?  No one else seems to be having any trouble – especially Patricia.  She’s an older lady, but damn is she fit.  Mental note:  Try to keep up with Patricia.

                Okay, now we’re getting to the meat of the workout – lots of pushing and pulling – T-stand push-ups, TRX rows, multiplanar dumbbell raises, renegade rows – heh, more new terminology and this time they hurt!  Trying my best to keep a good face on things, but my muscles and lungs are already blown.  I did not pace myself well.  Argh!  Breathe, Dan, breathe…  just do what you can.  No one is giving you a hard time and there’s no prize at the end of class.  Slow and steady wins the race, yadda yadda.

                Jessica transitions us into the conditioning portion of the class.  Wait...  what?!?  You mean that wasn’t just conditioning we were doing???  I look at the clock for the umpteenth time.  Still fifteen minutes left… I can do this.  Where the hell is my cardio?  I run close to 3 miles at least every other day!  I guess those seventeen years of smoking are still affecting me.  Bah!  No excuses!  Push through the pain!  Rapid response drill, bear crawls, roller coasters, Aerodynes (bikes), and d-ball slams add up to happy, fun, torture time.

                When the time runs out on the last exercise I am exhausted, but energized.  It’s been too long since I pushed myself that hard.  Having someone there to support, educate, and cheer me on is just what I need to get back into shape, because tonight showed me just how far I have to go.  But I made it!  Hopefully I won’t be too sore tomorrow!  Jessica highfives everyone and welcomes me to come back for more.

                So far, so good.

My Life as a White Belt - Orientation

Orientation:

The tall guy at the desk introduces himself – Eric; seems to be about my age, but in a heck of a lot better shape than I am.  Fairly sure he could kick my ass.  Super friendly dude, though.  He asks me how I heard about Five Rings and after I tell him my situation he gives me a tour of the facility.  It turns out that they have fitness programs as well as jiu jitsu classes, which is awesome because I just cancelled my membership at my gym when I moved.  Maybe I can work out up here, too.  He tells me that there is a ‘BJJ 1’ class starting in a little while and that if I want to participate I can borrow a VIP gi and get started.  No time like the present, since I am already here, right?  Eric gets me the gi and shows me the locker room.  Pretty sweet set up, with showers and plenty of storage space.  No locks or lockers, though – this definitely isn’t Los Angeles anymore.

Coach Nick isn’t exactly what I have in mind when I think about martial arts instructors.  He’s patient, unassuming, even a little goofy!  Most importantly, he really seems to know his stuff.  This class is fun – I am getting to learn some real basics of the sport, but even better is witnessing the atmosphere at the gym.  A higher level class is going on at the same time and the techniques that they are doing are really exciting.  Everybody seems focused, but laid back at the same time.  I am definitely going to ride this free trial out…  I worked up a sweat from just rolling around a bit.  Coach even said he could tell that I had wrestled before, which is cool because I didn’t mention it.

I stick around to watch the other class finish.  Nothing that they are doing seems that difficult.  For certain, I can do that stuff without too many problems.  There are people of all shapes and sizes; men, women, young, old.  Not a ton of ethnic diversity, but this is Oregon, right?  I swear I just saw that 120-pound girl just reverse positions on a guy fifty pounds heavier.  The belt/rank system is a little confusing.  There are white, blue, and purple belts in the class I am watching and it is being led by a guy about my age and size with a black belt.  Why would they have them all in one class?  Maybe they let the higher belts come in to help the lower ones?  That would be sweet!  When I was teaching, I used to do that with my more advanced students.  Peer education is a solid teaching tool.  Anyhow, I am also noticing that there is a progression between the instructor talking and the students practicing that should work well for me.  I don’t want to sit and listen to theory about the magic power of jiu jitsu for an hour, but I also don’t want to get thrown to the wolves and get beat up for an hour either.  Explain and practice is about the best I can hope for, I think.  Hmm, think I’ll explore a little bit.

This Pro Shop they have has some wicked apparel.  T-shirts, patches, full gis, rash guards…  all emblazoned with various logos.  As I’m checking it out, Eric comes over and tells me about some of the items, including the Jiu Jitsu University book.  I guess it’s kind of like the gym handbook or something.  Sounds interesting, even if I’ve never heard of this Saulo Ribeiro guy.  I probably won’t buy it though.  I am here to work up a sweat and maybe meet some new people.  Overall, I think this place has some possibilities.  There are open, welcoming people who seem to enjoy what they are doing.  Jiu jitsu is close enough to wrestling that I don’t feel completely out of my depth, even if lying flat on my back is a little weird.  I am really looking forward to my next class.

My Life as a White Belt

It is my intention that this journal will share my personal growth with friends, teammates, and any who might find it inspirational to their own jiu jitsu journey.  If some kernel is particularly relevant to you, please share that with me.  As I’ve come to discover, feedback is a dynamic tool for growth and learning. 

My Life as a White Belt

The First Step: 

The sign says ‘All are welcome!’  Does that mean me, too?  I’ve spent almost two years trying to recover enough of my emotional, mental, and physical selves to feel human again. The divorce took more out of me than I thought possible, but it’s definitely time to make some changes.    I thought I’d figured out how to find myself again.  Decent income, new relationship, stronger family ties; they all felt right for a while.  Then the lady found greener pastures, a DUI crash and arrest set me back on my heels financially, and the family had its own set of issues to deal with.  Almost back to square one, it seemed.  So now I’m adapting to a new lifestyle without a vehicle and a part time job.  I have few friends in the local area and am kind of clueless on how to find more.  This place is right up the road… super convenient!  I’ve got a background in wrestling, even if it was 20 years ago.  Maybe this is a place I can take a risk on. 

 How will I fit in at Five Rings Jiu Jitsu Academy?  Five Rings… is that related to the Olympics or something?!  I hope they aren’t super competitive.  I can’t handle that yet.  I just want a place to get in shape and maybe learn some cool moves.  All the jiu jitsu stuff I know is what I’ve seen on UFC fights.  It would be awesome to know how to do armbars and triangle chokes, even if I don’t ever use them in real life.  I started running back in August and I finally quit smoking again. I’ve even started biking all over the place.  I should be able to handle this, no worries.  Who knows… maybe I can show them a thing or two!  Haha!

Well, there’s nothing left to do but open that door.  I think the guy at the front desk might have noticed me pacing around out here.  Man, this is nuts.  What am I thinking?  These guys all know each other already.  They’ll all be stronger, faster, and younger than me.  I remember hearing that these jiu jitsu guys are kind of elitist.  I don’t need any condescension in my life right now.  I’m going to check this place out on the internet and see if there are any reviews or if they have a website or something. 

(…I walk down the hill to my apartment complex…)

Hmmm.  Nothing but good stuff online.  Website is informative and they’ve got this free trial deal.  Seems like there isn’t much to lose.  Signing up for an orientation tomorrow.  I’ll see where this goes, I guess.