Immersion:
Whew… this is my fifth class this week, if you count fitness. I think I can officially say that I am hooked. This sport, facility, and community are exactly what I needed. I can’t remember the last time I felt quite so motivated to move forward and make progress towards a goal. Well, that’s not true. I can remember the last few times pretty clearly, but the circumstances then were on the negative end of the spectrum. It was a little under two years ago that I was living in my car, struggling to find meaning in a life that didn’t make sense to me anymore. Poor decision after poor judgment call led to a spiral of intense self-destruction. It seems so long ago some days and like only yesterday on others.
Today, right now, this very moment it couldn’t feel farther away if it were eons ago – I’m applying a choke that I just learned from back with hooks. Bow and arrow choke, I believe it’s called. I’m not very good at it yet, but it is extremely empowering to know that I hold someone’s consciousness in my hands. This whole jiu jitsu thing is full of moments just like this one. Empowering, humbling, exciting! I think I’ve even developed an affinity for getting choked out (well, almost anyhow). Hmm, does that mean I’m odd? That moment of fuzziness right before you go out is so peaceful. It’s like there’s this panic and then you stop caring. I’m sure there’s a medical phenomenon associated with it, but I don’t care to do that much research. Hehe. Anyhow, this choke is cool and all but as I said I am struggling with how to position my body to finish it effectively. Coach has expressed several times that drilling on our own is the best way to commit something to muscle memory. I find that when I come in to open mat time it is hard to get away from sparring – I think because it is so much fun to rough house a little and try out the things you’ve learned from the previous week. I know it is important to drill, though.
This guy I met last week has been helping me stay focused on my goals and how to accomplish them. His name is Bruce, and he’s been participating in the sport for a while now. He is still a white belt, but with a few stripes to his credit. I dig his approach; he keeps a journal where he writes down moves and techniques that we’ve learned and he likes to methodically go over and drill the moves so that they get committed to muscle memory. He’s got a couple nagging injuries, which I can relate to at this point, so we take it easy on the full out sparring and concentrate on honing the technique. We also take some time to chat and get to know each other a bit. He confirms what I’ve already discovered, which is that even though the people here come from such varied backgrounds there always seems to be some connecting experience that makes it easy to communicate on some level.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t some utopian commune where everyone is a super amazing human being; I’ve met a handful that rub me the wrong way for one reason or another. But the more I come here, the more I feel myself changing. I’m more open and more forgiving, of myself and others. The more I train, the better I feel about myself. I think that is why I find myself altering my schedule to make time to be up here. Fifth class this week, and I may just try to get a couple more in. That tournament in March is starting to sound mighty interesting!
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