My Life is a White Belt - Citizenship

Citizenship:

                Coach Tom asks Liz and me to make sure that we show up to tournament rounds because some of our peers are getting promoted.  He assures us that we’re on the radar, too, but because of our recent injuries we’ll just be there to support and initiate our teammates.  There are quite a few people ‘on deck’ for promotion and it’s exciting to be a part of that process for them.  I feel a brief moment of disappointment that I’m not getting my blue belt, but I stifle it quickly.  My time will come. 

                Life is solid right now.  There are moments of extreme joy and sadness, but these are not the turning points that they used to be.  I appreciate them for what they are.  What I’ve come to recognize is that the larger spectrum of ups and downs contains an incredible rainbow of experience.  Sometimes I find the most happiness in the routine of a ‘normal’ day.  Training, working, writing… the intangibles of consistent effort are something that I have come to value a great deal.  On the other hand, the variety of managing relationships and enjoying the passions of my friends keeps life interesting.  It’s a balancing act of personal growth and I love every second. 

                Tuesday night comes quickly and Five Rings is packed.  I look around the room and see the familiar faces of friends and training partners ; these are my compatriots on my journey.  I see Jonathan, Ziggy, and Evan.  Those teenagers have been sitting on the edge of blue for a while now and from my experiences rolling with them it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if they got promoted tonight.  Noah is another one – a former wrestler who has won a couple of tournaments at the white belt level and is quite simply, a monster.  Great body awareness, particularly considering he’s right around 250 lbs. 

                We start off with some closed guard positional sparring and I look for an opportunity to roll with the guys that will be getting their blue belts.  Five Rings doesn’t test like some academies do, but there is a bit of a gauntlet to pass before getting promoted.  For ninety minutes you are pushed to your physical limits by your coaches and fellow jiu jitsu practitioners.  All of the people I think might be getting promoted are taken, so Robert and I pair up.  We get after it and he just works me.  My neck is feeling the punishment from the repeated bow and arrow chokes, for sure.  The next round I hook in with Toby, one of our judo takedown instructors.  I do a little better, getting a sweep and some half guard time in.  I can tell it is going to be an interesting evening.  Everyone is on their game.

                As time progresses, I notice a pattern.  Louie brings his ‘A’ level when we roll.  Coach Greg hits me with three or four chokes and even yells at me to keep working when my energy starts to flag.  This strikes me as a little unusual because he normally gives me some room to work when we roll.  Every time I head for one of my regular training partners I get snagged by an upper belt.  The rounds are also coming fast and furious so I don’t get a chance to get off the mat for a break, either.  More submissions, more domination, more encouragement to work harder.  I am feeling the workout tonight! 

                Sweat pours down my face and my breathing is labored, to say the least.  I get Toby again for what Coach Tom likes to call ‘Oh Shucks’ drills.  We start with our partner in the position we find most challenging – for many, it is mount bottom or back with hooks.  I have Toby start in cross sides because I’ve been struggling with that position a lot lately.  Again, he brings it to me.  I have very little room and less energy to try to escape.  He holds me down as cheering starts erupting from around me.  At this point I’ve figured out that something isn’t exactly as I was told, but I’m so tired that it hasn’t clicked in yet.  More cheers and I hear Coach say that the best way to celebrate promotions is to keep rolling.  I try my hardest. 

                After what seems like an eternity, Toby rolls me over and I try to pass his guard.  I feel something hook around my waist from behind.  Toby catches my eye and smiles.  I drop to my knees as I realize what is happening and bury my face in my hands.  I see flashes of fresh blue material as I peek out from between my fingers.  I am so exhausted physically and now my emotions take a huge hit.  I have worked hard and for many hours to reach this landmark.  I can’t hold back the tears.

                In this moment, the changes in my life are highlighted.  It is almost exactly a year since I started down my new path of discovery and challenges.  My capacity for appreciating the world that I exist in has increased exponentially.  I savor every ounce of sweat and blood that it has taken to get here.  I recognize each person that has helped along the way, and give credit where it is due.  My fears and insecurities have faded to the background, replaced by confidence and purpose.

                I finally rise to my feet and stumble around the mat, accepting congratulations and offering them to the others that were promoted with me.  I’d predicted it fairly well – Noah, Ziggy, Evan, and Jonathan all got their blue.  From out of the corner of my eye I spot a streak of blonde hustling towards me.  I open my arms wide and embrace Liz – the blue around her waist matches her eyes.  This is a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. 

                This is not an end, but a beginning.  The year of training has shown me how much I still have to learn and how much room there is for growth.  I look forward to improving my jiu jitsu and helping others to do the same through taking on more coaching opportunities.  I will continue to compete as long as my body allows me to do so.  I cannot express appropriately the amount of gratitude that I have for the Five Rings community – my coaches, teammates, training partners, and friends that have walked every step of this journey with me. 

                (Author’s note:  Well, folks, this is it!  Thank you for reading along as I shared my life as a white belt with you.  It is my sincere desire that you were able to take something useful away from it – even if it was only some entertainment.  It is my intent to review, revise, edit, and add to this blog… more entries, photos, videos and hopefully publish it in the near future.  I’ll keep you posted when it gets close to completion.  My novel is progressing nicely.  If all goes as planned then I should have something ready to submit for publication by the end of summer.  I’d like to give a special thanks to Eric Dorsett, Tom Oberhue, Nick Burke, Robert Wolfe, and Nathan Jeffers for allowing me to use their names and our experiences together in this blog.  Liz Tracy – for all that you have been and continue to be in my life… thank you.)