Reunion: (cont.)
Sean and I pass by familiar places. I laugh as I realize that even after all this time, so much looks and feels the same. There are changes, for sure, but one of the reasons I love where I grew up is that there is a continuity… a stability. I could drive most of these roads blindfolded. Spending time with Sean is amazing. He listens as I describe the details of my journey over the past year, asking probing questions and adding sage anecdotes at appropriate times. I have always admired him. Just like my hometown, he is a rock that I count on. Not unchanging, but steady. One of my heroes in life, even if I’ve never come right out and told him so. I think he knows anyhow.
We’ve been searching for places to roll. Small towns aren’t necessarily known for their abundance of mat space, particularly on the weekend. We strike out, but the BJJ conversation is intense! Sean collects martial arts info like some people collect stamps. I always learn something new when we talk. I promise him that sooner than later we will have a chance to test our jits skills. It is hard to describe how ecstatic I feel to be able to make that promise. It wasn’t that long ago that I could barely walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.
The reunion isn’t for a few hours, so I go to visit with Sean’s family and my family. My nieces have grown so much, reminding me that time passes inexorably so we must make the most of it while we can. We stop to visit my mother, alone with her cats tucked away in the Adirondack foothills home where my brothers and I were raised. Not by her, but by my grandparents. Our mother left when I was three and came back when I was sixteen. She is a survivor, even if she is struggling a bit at the moment. She is always excited when I visit, which isn’t nearly as much as I would wish.
I take a few minutes at Sean’s house to clean up and get my ‘good’ clothes on. I dress up so rarely these days. I think I only own one tie and that spends most of its time hanging in the closet. I realize as I am getting ready that I’m not as nervous as I thought I might be. The people I went to high school with will have grown and changed, suffered and triumphed just as I have. If nothing else, their capacity for understanding should have improved.
I walk into the restaurant where our event is being held and spot some familiar faces almost immediately. Lori and Heidi worked diligently to organize the reunion and I thank them for the opportunity to come together and reminisce. Stacey, Nicole, and Lou were my neighbors in the tiny ‘suburb’ of Hampton. I find it to be an interesting societal commentary that even in the confines of rural upstate New York, proximity can still dictate the closeness of relationships to a certain degree. It is exciting to see old friends and acquaintances, to talk of our lives and how things have changed and how other things have stayed the same. I am very proud to be healthy and happy at this moment in my life. I touch base with Jason, another recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for five years and gives me wise advice about how to keep on keeping on. “It never stops being one day at a time, Dan. Just keep waking up and keeping your perspective.”
I spot two of the people I dreaded seeing. Paula and I had butted heads on more than one occasion in high school, mostly because I was an arrogant prick. Megan had a penchant for talking about me behind my back and some of the things that made their way through the grapevine bordered on cruel. I had already figured out how I was going to handle these encounters on the plane ride here, so I take a deep breath and approach Paula first. I outline what I felt to be my transgressions and apologize on behalf of my younger self. She laughs and says that she does remember, but that it wasn’t that big of a deal to her. Life has moved on and she understands that we were kids. Kids can be mean, ya know? Megan has already had a few drinks. She actually asks me to dance. She has changed a lot since high school. I decide not to confront her about things that honestly don’t bother me that much anymore, taking a page from Paula’s book of forgiveness.
As the evening winds down, I am struck by the surreal nature of this scene. Twenty years have passed and as I look around the room I see so much that has changed, but even more that has remained constant. The cliques are still there, if a little less obvious. Best friends in high school are still best friends now in some cases. Our one significant commonality (the fact that we all went to high school together) is enough to allow for the differences that might normally separate us. This is a lot more comfortable and enjoyable then what I expected.
I leave the reunion and spend the rest of the evening with Sean’s family. Amazing people – they are a source of constant comfort and enlightenment for me. I feel very lucky to know them. It was only a year ago when I came to visit last, but so much has changed. I was miserable then and they counseled me as best as they could, helping me to see some light on what seemed to be a fairly dismal horizon. Now I share the light of hope and passion and enthusiasm that I have found through jiu jitsu and friendship and wellness in the intervening months. This is a huge milestone for me and I know that I will never forget it.
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