Examination:
Coach Tom is talking to us about having an appropriate mindset when we step on the mat. He says we need to understand the difference between ‘gym jitsu’ and ‘tournament jiu jitsu’. I think I get the message. Basically, when we are training our goal should be to improve our skills and to help our training partners improve as well. Competition changes that goal to imposing our will and showcasing the skills that we’ve learned. This lesson goes hand in hand with some other ideas that Tom has shared with us – ‘intensity with a smile’ and ‘elegant ass-kicking’ are his personal extensions of the fundamental tenet of arte suave, “the gentle art”. Jiu jitsu is the art of timing and of coordination. It is so much more than technique and flexibility. There is a mindset that comes with progress in the sport. A confidence that comes from understanding what your body is capable of.
I recognize very clearly that I have not progressed to a level where I can draw upon a wellspring of certainty. I still struggle with demons of the past, both those that I am aware of and those that still hide themselves in my subconscious. What I have been able to accomplish, however, is to rebuild a foundation of health from which to face those challenges. Replacing unhealthy habits with productive ones, eliminating stressors by simplification, focusing on the positive possibilities of a new day; these have been the keys to my success.
So the connection that becomes apparent to me is that I’m establishing a solid ‘gym jitsu’ game in my life. As long as I am able to maintain control of my environment, whether by surrounding myself with a solid support network of caring friends and family or staying solidly in my comfort zone, I am able to feel like I am moving forward towards a sense of completion and wholeness. The more difficult test lies ahead. It is time to start taking risks. I miss the highs and lows that come with putting my whole heart and self into my life endeavors. Just like training in the gym though, I need to prepare myself for the unexpected. I can think of several things that should help.
As far as my addictions are concerned, there are going to be quite a few opportunities to test myself in the near future. I’m headed back East to my 20th high school reunion soon and I’m going to be around folks I used to party with. I fervently believe that I’m strong enough to handle it. Cigarettes, alcohol, and gambling have no place in my life anymore.
I am also starting a blog that I can share with anyone who cares to read it. It’s for me, but if others get some use of it than the benefit becomes all the greater. I find that when I write things down it grounds me and the life lessons that I hope to share. The strongest impetus I feel to put my words into text is to reconcile the time from my DUI to present day with the life that happened before it. I think there is power and fortitude to be found in that connection. I feel so differently now than I did then. Some days it seems like I am an entirely new person.
I’ve also registered for American Nationals. It’s in Los Angeles at the end of September. This will be a major test for my jiu jitsu progress, but an even bigger one for my mental and emotional health. L.A. is where my life got turned upside down and almost ended. My stepsons are still there and I am making plans to see them. I believe that I am ready to face whatever may come. I am no longer afraid. The tournament of life has a new competitor as well.
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