Nationals:
There haven’t been too many times when I’ve missed not having my driver’s license over the last nine months, but as I watch Robert settle into his ninth hour of driving on our way to Los Angeles for the IBJJF National Jiu-Jitsu Championship I really wish I could help out. I have to admit, though, that Robert is an absolute machine. He’s showing no signs of fatigue even after all this time. We’ve stopped once to grab a bite to eat and refill the gas tank, but that’s pretty much it.
It’s been awesome getting to know Robert better. He comes from a small town, much like the one I grew up in… you know the one, where everyone knows everyone else and as he likes to put it, “The girls get pregnant just by you looking at them.” He’s undergone his own transformation over the last few years. He’s lost a bunch of weight, quit drinking by his own choice, and dedicated a large portion of his life to jiu jitsu training and coaching. It’s odd to think of someone almost 13 years my junior as a role model, but in truth he has been and continues to be that for me. He’s dependable, dedicated, and a man of integrity. All things that I want to have associated with me.
We finally make it all the way through the drive and arrive in L.A. Memories start crashing through me. My life in Southern California was tumultuous, to say the least. Nine years of roller coaster craziness that left me clawing and scratching for breath. It is a significant moment to come back here, to see the familiar landmarks, to allow my mind to re-open those doors. My boys are waiting for me.
Our first stop, though, is also the first place I went to when I first arrived here in 1999. My Aunt Alta’s house. She lives in Long Beach along with my Uncle Bob and they opened their home and their hearts to me when I was fresh out of grad school, giving me a solid foundation to get my feet underneath me in this new environment. It is really wonderful to see them both, in good spirits and good health, and Robert and I enjoy a good meal and great conversation.
We meet with Coach Tom and Coach Korbett (the head of the Ribeiro gym in Seattle) for dinner at an old roommate’s restaurant. Fronk’s has come a long way since Jamie opened it. The food is fantastic and the conversation ranges from game plans to the fact that Saulo himself will be competing in the tournament tomorrow. Thoroughly stuffed, Robert and I make our way to the hotel where Jerico awaits. Jerico is an interesting guy. A relatively new teammate, he’s chosen to compete in the big tournaments early in his jiu jitsu career with mixed results. He’s easy to get along with and we share some laughs.
Robert drops me off at my former in-laws house to meet with my sons. I haven’t seen them in almost a year and a half. It is incredibly difficult to hold back the tears as they come out of the house, so I don’t bother. They’ve gotten so big – and strong! Sammy is taller than I am now and lifts me off the ground when I hug him. Anthony, who was so small when I left, has hit his growth spurt and put on a bunch of muscle. We wrestle briefly and he is eager to demonstrate just how much muscle. They are so much the same, but so different, too! I can only imagine what they think of me. The last time they saw me I weighed 50 pounds more and reeked of cigarette smoke. I hope they are as proud of me as I am of them. Almost all of my ex-wife’s family is there as well, and it quickly becomes apparent that at least in some small way I had an impact on all of these people’s lives. Funny how I couldn’t see that very clearly when I was living it. I resolve not to make that mistake with the people currently in my life. We wile away the hours reminiscing and sharing stories of what has transpired in the intervening months since we were last together. A couple of my ex-brother in-laws and my sons promise to come see me compete at the tournament and we hug and part ways again. I feel like my heart is being ripped out and it isn’t long before I once again dissolve into tears.
I am finding it very hard to focus on the coming tournament. Luckily, I have a full day before I have to compete. My priorities seem very confused and I am struggling to understand why it has taken a jiu jitsu tournament for me to finally return to this place and the young men who are courageously trying to fill the gap that I left in their lives.
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